you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
