please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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