the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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