My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
