I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
