Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
