he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
