I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
