I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
