the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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