As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
