I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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