Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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