Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
