Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
