did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
