dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
