wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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