When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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