Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
