I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just high enough for therapy.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
