There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
