Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
