That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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