Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
vagina is talking i cant
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
