Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
