Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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