What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
