I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
where are my pants?
in the oven.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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