I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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