If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
