Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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