Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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