After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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