OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
