I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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