He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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