Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
