I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
