I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
