I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
