bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
