I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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