This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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