so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
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