mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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