It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
