The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
