Can i not drive my cunt home
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm like, not good at living.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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