Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I could fuck to npr.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
