friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
