I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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